Troubled Relations
A friend read the previous post and asked what “Troubled Relations” was going to be about. I said, “about my relationship with my parents these days”. He said, “troubled?! But I thought you were very close to them!”
Precisely. Ours is a family where we are very close to each other. At times, suffocating-ly close.
Mom says I am very agitated these days. I always talk back. She blames it on my being on the Internet for too long. I am also for the first time being told: Don’t do this, Don’t go there.
I am confused. What do young people my age do? I am 20. Finished my graduation this year. Am working for a year before I start my post graduation which is not going to be an MBA. My colleagues spend weekends either preparing for CAT or hanging out at the malls, usually the latter. When I express desire to go for movies, shopping, etc. I am reminded that I am becoming too dependent on all this. I am told “Don’t do this. It is not good for you” I know this isn’t the best thing to do..Duh?! But what else do I do? Read books, listen to music, develop hobbies, work for charity…..Acceptable alternatives. But my heart doesn’t agree….It seems to run away from all this….
I am lost. I know what I am doing is not right. But no attractive alternative seems to be appearing. And in this confusion, I have ended up spoiling relations with my parents, specially my mom. The person I am closest to. The person who genuinely cares for me. Thanks mom for tolerating me. Hope I find my way soon…
Precisely. Ours is a family where we are very close to each other. At times, suffocating-ly close.
Mom says I am very agitated these days. I always talk back. She blames it on my being on the Internet for too long. I am also for the first time being told: Don’t do this, Don’t go there.
I am confused. What do young people my age do? I am 20. Finished my graduation this year. Am working for a year before I start my post graduation which is not going to be an MBA. My colleagues spend weekends either preparing for CAT or hanging out at the malls, usually the latter. When I express desire to go for movies, shopping, etc. I am reminded that I am becoming too dependent on all this. I am told “Don’t do this. It is not good for you” I know this isn’t the best thing to do..Duh?! But what else do I do? Read books, listen to music, develop hobbies, work for charity…..Acceptable alternatives. But my heart doesn’t agree….It seems to run away from all this….
I am lost. I know what I am doing is not right. But no attractive alternative seems to be appearing. And in this confusion, I have ended up spoiling relations with my parents, specially my mom. The person I am closest to. The person who genuinely cares for me. Thanks mom for tolerating me. Hope I find my way soon…
posted by Tipsy Topsy at
7:58 PM
18 Comments:
simple solution... Get a boyfriend
By
Ravi Handa, at September 12, 2004 8:22 PM
hope it isnt handa anyhow:D:P
relax and hang in there... just bide your time... simple as that. not going on abt it cuz i know i will sound like an agony aunt column. and i tend to do that:) any hows always there....
cheerio
joker
By
Anonymous, at September 12, 2004 8:50 PM
@handa: I want to decrease my troubles..not increase them! :P
@joker: definitely not him...plus I have an inkling he is already taken.
Thanks for being there >:D<
By
Tipsy Topsy, at September 12, 2004 8:58 PM
Tipsy,
The restrictions, as you know, come from concern and worries that every mother has [especially]for her daughter & in a city with a reputation like Delhi.IMHO,as long as we don't show'em we are overdoing it,mom n dad wont ctrl us 2 much.Ive been thru such situations [&fights!] as well and realised much later that many times mom was right :)
They r jus being protective ! [2 much we say!]
By
Srini, at September 12, 2004 11:06 PM
hmm...i can relate to that TT!! really!! and its pretty frustrating, cos i hate being stuck at home on weekends cos its borrring and mom n dad are always like, y dont u stay at home atleast on weekends!!!!! the key is to spend enuf time with them to make them feel loved n show we care :)
By
shub, at September 13, 2004 9:49 AM
Thinking about it, 'Troubled relations' are thoda strong words to use for this 'growing-up under mom n dad's eyes pangs' :) yeh to kuch nahin hain yaar...chillax and we friends are there with ya :)
By
Srini, at September 13, 2004 10:16 AM
@Srini: I am overdoing certain things and I know that. The question remains..what do I substitute these things with??
Don't tell me things are gonna get worse! Thanks for being there!
@Shub: will remember this..thanks
By
Tipsy Topsy, at September 13, 2004 10:55 AM
When I left home at 18, I was like, "great, me outta here". Now, after 7 years all over the place, I'm SO happy I'm back home with my suffocatingly close family :)
Maybe the right person to ask for advice on how to spend your time best would be the one who probably knows you best and loves you most ... your mum ... ??
By
Suhail, at September 13, 2004 11:46 AM
Its a classic case of "mis-placed" anger, and we all go thru this patch, and blurting out our anger at wrong persons on wrong occassions.
And we target people who actaully care for us, who are always there to listen to us.
Nobody out there is ur enemy, no one is there to trouble you, and parents are just next to GOD, trust me on that.
And the solution lies within us, ask ur self, sort-out the reasons for discontentment and resulting anger.
And keep the communication alive with the parents, coz lack of it always leads to assumptions which are negtive most of the time.
By
Stone, at September 13, 2004 1:27 PM
There are times when our parents are right and times when they are wrong but won't know.As we go ahead in life,while taking important decisions like studies, job and marriage there is bound to be friction.
I think the essence lies in communication - tareeka.It works best when we show them this is what we want, we know what we want and at the same time not hurting their feelings [read - understand or accomodate their views as well]
..thats a lot of gyan-giving :) IMHO, if you can accomodate one or two of the alternatives sometimes, it wd make them happy as well. As Suhail said, and I fully agree, there cannot be a better well-wisher than a mother. There is no one like her. :)
By
Srini, at September 13, 2004 1:45 PM
baap re baap.... junta kuch lamba lamba comment maar rahi hai... but i stick to wht I said earlier... boyfriend se accha koi timepass nahin ho sakta hai.. :)
By
Ravi Handa, at September 13, 2004 3:43 PM
I totally agree with u. I feel the same way towards my own mom and frequently feel stifled.
Dont listen to Handa, everybody knows he's a three year old trapped in a twenty summin body. Guys can cause a lotta trouble. I have serious doubts whether a bf is the solution.
By
Dreamcatcher, at September 13, 2004 7:18 PM
Dreamcatcher do i know you by by some other name? that was exactly what i had used to describe HAnda to somebody else.:)) see handa others too have read you correct:))
anyhows i didnt expect so much of reading into your post. the thing is simple and as srini and suhail have rightly pointed out the things...
By
Anonymous, at September 13, 2004 7:27 PM
hi meggie here :)
hey its just a phase....and you better do something before this gets to you. like find a job or do ur PG as soon as possible or do a brief course........Boy friends ? they only complicate things and are of abso no use/value now unless its to take you out and foot ur bills :P (now guys , dont scream!)
By
Anonymous, at September 14, 2004 5:33 PM
Meggie ... SCREAM !!!
Whatever happened to Women's Lib and Going Dutch???
By
Suhail, at September 15, 2004 10:48 AM
@Suhail, Srini & Stone: Communication is what has broken down. Writing this immediately after another confrontation. will write about it soon.
@TM : U have brought out the conflict right..but where is the solution?
@Handa, Dreamcatcher: No Handa..boyfreind might be a great passtime but definitely not the solution..and dreamcatcher, somewhere i think his comments are not meant only for me ;)
@Meggie: I am working. and that just led to the confrontation I mentioned above :-)
@suhail, again: Ah! women are liberated when it comes to sharing date expenses but their future is still in being a wife and mum, eh?! :P
By
Tipsy Topsy, at September 16, 2004 1:04 PM
Tipsy,
I understand.When we start to work,we do change in the eyes of our parents - we slowly start getting (&feeling) independent - which kinda psyches them out in the beginning.Me & my bro have such fights with mom n dad, but then since we stay in different cities,it kinda cools down soon.Things wd have been much different if u were in a different city! :) Anyway, all will be well. Jus keep ur cool. :)
By
Srini, at September 16, 2004 8:32 PM
Buy the game "Rubic Cube". Then you will never have to think how to spend your time ;). Or play badminton with your sister. There are n number of ways to spend your time at your home, all you have to do is look for them .... I am not telling you to confine yourself in your home, but do strike a balance. Then your parents will never tell you that you are becoming "too dependent on all these.
Once you start living in a hostel/any place away from your parents home, you will yearn for spending time with them.
My dear TT, parents may be over-protective, but they are usually correct.
Anyways, I hope you do figure out what is the best for you.
By
Anonymous, at September 17, 2004 3:19 AM
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