Why My Mother Might Get Murdered

Disclaimer: Dear God, this is meant to be a joke so PLEASE shut Your Holy eyes and ears .

The past couple of months have been rough for my mom. A lot of things in the house stopped functioning: A tap in the loo, the washing machine, the sewing machine, the water pump, a bad drycleaning job, a misbehaving electrician, cheating painters and carpenters. Co-operation from family members was also on a low. Dad and I have never been of much help and when my sweet sister decided to move back into the house, she came home yellow. Cherry on the cake: Our maid went off to her village for a month. You get the picture.

To get the things fixed was no mean task. For instance, to fix the tap, we needed to contact the company which has given a lifetime guarantee. The numbers we had did not work. So, mom and I ended up calling approximately 50 bathroom fittings dealers trying to locate one which had the company's new numbers. We eventually discovered that the numbers we had were correct but could only be reached when dialed from a mobile phone.

The drycleaners was another disaster. The clothes which were returned to us looked dirtier than they had originally been. Though we doubt whether someone ever cleaned them, they had definitely been ironed. This we know because the clothes had been burnt and hence were shining at different places. Mom was compelled to make some very nasty phonecalls to the shop which included references about how she had been their customer for years and how she was very disappointed and how nobody who cheats can ever succeed. Yesterday while taking a u-turn near our home, mom spotted the drycleaner's rickshaw. She tells dad, "Yeh to XYZ Drycleaner ki gaadi hai. Isko to neeche de do."

The biggest pain was the washing machine. Infact it was Kirthi's post on her problems with her mom and the washing machine that prompted me to post this. Our machine is ten years old. It stopped working and mom called in the repair guy. He changed the bearings and convinced mom to sign the annual maintenance contract. She agreed. However, the machine did not work. Since it was now under the AMC, all spare parts could be changed free of cost. Mom called and an engineer arrived. He wasn't the same guy who had come earlier. Mom wasn't too happy with the fact as a single person handling the issue would have made more sense. Anyway, he came, examined the machine and said that the drum would have to be replaced. Few days passed before a drum became available. A new engineer arrived with the drum. Fixed it. He said we will need to buy a new trolley which he will get the next time. In the meantime, we were to use the machine and see if it was working alright. The machine still refused to work. He came with the trolley and rechecked the machine. Diagnosis: the motor will have to be changed. That did it. Mom was furious with the incompetence of the engineers and false assurance from the service centre. The engineers always came at around 3 p.m. which is nap time for mom. A lot of phone calls had already happened at each stage. A final threatening call was made. They promised to send a senior engineer.
A guy came. He was late and was not carrying the motor. The moment he entered, he must have sensed the tension. He didn't know he was supposed to get a motor. He proceeded to examine the machine while mom protested how useless it was to do it and how he will also not be able to fix it and how she had been duped to take the AMC.
Mom (muttering under her breath): They said they will send a senior engineer
The guy: They have sent the right guy, ma'am.
Mom: oh!

He checked the machine and declared that three parts will have to changed. Mom wasn't too pleased. She kept expressing her lack of faith in those people. She asked him his name. His reply, "Yogesh". Mom said, "And how are we to know you are speaking the truth. Who knows, maybe Yogesh is not your name!"

In the end, the machine is finally working. It seems Yogesh was Yogesh, a senior engineer, who could fix the machine.

Chatting at the dining table, sis and I warned mom, "You speak so rudely to these guys. One of them will get pissed and murder you one day! It is happening all over the city!" Mom replied, "I ensure that doesn't happen. I keep feeding them cool beverages to keep their heads cool." When we expressed how insufficient that was, she said, "In any case, you are not using an original dialogue. I used to say the same thing to my mom."